DEPRESSION: THE MEMORY TRAP AND SELF IMAGE

SELF ACCEPTANCE AND THE MEMORY TRAP

There is only the Present. There is no past because there is no scoreboard. Never was. We are ok. All of us. Just “imperfect”. Regarding life, we are just mice in a maze, making mistakes to learn from them, in order to get better and stronger each day. Feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness are a separate, non-existent illusion of reality, created by depression. A shaded reality because we feel we [have to] be perfect and tolerate nothing less in ourselves. Hence, the overcritical parent. Nothing could be farther from the truth. To err is human. We don’t have to be perfect. Imperfect is a flexible, more powerful, and adaptive state than perfect. The axiom is adapt or die. Perfect is a frozen, unchangeable state, hence, a crippled and useless formula once the condition perfect applies to is altered, in our ever changing life. If we drop a glass of milk i. e. spilt milk, we learn how to hold the glass more securely and grow stronger from the experience, not weaker.

Hence, we do not have to lament the mistakes of the past because, in reality, the past never existed or as a scoreboard of mistakes to measure our self esteem. Such errant standard of measurement sometimes results in self loathing from being perceived as defeated. All we ever have is the present to exist in, not the graveyard of the past to waste energy on, - and human imperfection which is a timeless condition that allows us to accept ourselves always regardless, and only grow stronger and stronger each day with each learning mistake. Hence, there are no mistakes or losses of the Past to lament about, making ourselves miserable, joyless, unhappy, and un-fulfilled in the process. They are learning tools only and, as such, assets. When the high school football player tells the coach he’ll do better next time, he just got better and stronger, not weaker. Winning and losing are both necessary parts of life because we learn from both and become stronger, actually learning MORE in the valleys of life than on the peaks. So, no need to beat oneself up anymore over past memories of mistakes and losses because, when properly understood, the minuses of life are assets necessary for the growth of human intellect and wisdom.

Don’t take yourself so seriously, learn to laugh it off, both your mistakes and others, and realize, regardless of whose gracelessly snickering when you split the milk, you just got stronger and humbler (an anecdote to arrogance), both necessary for self acceptance. As the antithesis of perfection i.e. intolerance, humility is the state of tolerance of self and others and result in more invitations to backyard bar-b-ques. Perfection is a hard act to follow. Quite vexatious to say the least because no one can achieve it. A prescription for continuing frustration and stress and self loathing. To just do the best one can is a happier standard. To the overcritical among us, if not for the 5,000 mistakes that Thomas Edison made, there would be no light bulb. When we learn to embrace our human imperfection as NORMAL and no longer measure ourselves by an aberrant perfection standard (the Waterloo of most religions), we will become much more tolerant of ourselves, hence, happier, less panicked, with reduced feelings of un-importance resulting in less depression, and increased tolerance for the “imperfection of others”, as forever-learning students only in this classroom of life. Certainly have more imperfect friends who tolerate you.

The vexed classical American race to keep up with the Jones is really a race to achieve perfection based upon a cosmetic, comparative psychology and a rejection of who we really are. Imperfect, growing human beings, and to be accepted as such. Our neighbor with his palatial home also is saddled with the crushing debt of big mortgage payments, high upkeep, very expensive utility bills, and targeted high taxes, along with the envy and contempt of his neighbors, and further with no time to spend with his kids who resent his ignoring them, while working himself to death just to keep up with the Jones to look perfect i.e. better than them. Someone should clue our flaunting neighbor that self acceptance only come from “within”, through the tolerance and acceptance of ourselves as imperfect beings.

So if one is measuring oneself by the Past, quit. It never existed as a scoreboard. There never was a scoreboard. Just timeless human imperfection. Hence, there is only the Present to anchor our energies to rather than waste them trying to justify an illusionary Past. We are just imperfect, trying to learn a little more each day to get better and stronger as we learn from the mistakes we make. In actuality, there is no past with oceans of mistakes to drag us down in memory and self esteem and never was. Because all of our mistakes were in actually [assets] as learning experiences so necessary for our emotional and intellectual growth which made us stronger and more intelligent with each mistake. The axiom should be We never said we were perfect. By the way, neither are you. We’ll leave that hard act to follow to Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, the Dahlia Lama, Confucius, and the rest of the people who can walk on water, and just settle for friends who tolerate each other’s mutual imperfections. The past doesn’t exist for us to lament our scores because, understanding human imperfection, there never was a scoreboard. All we have is the Present to keep making mistakes in as we get experientially wiser and stronger and stronger each while at the same time basking in self acceptance now that we know who we really are.

Food for thought.